Greetings fellow Lobotomisers! Welcome to my first review on this brilliant blog - May I say its and honor and priviledge to.. Ah screw that let's just get to trashing this movie.
Seeing Nic Cage in a lead for any movie is a roll of the dice really. Do you know what I mean when I say a movie is bad in a good way? Right I can assume you're nodding at the screen so I can also assume that you know what I mean when I say this movie this movie was not like that. Remember Con Air? The Rock? Snake Eyes? Yeah well this isn't even on par with frikkin' Snake Eyes.
The Story
We're supposed to believe that going to Bangkok changed the whole course of Joe's (Cage) existence. Why? Kong, his sidekick/errand boy is a little smart-mouth dickhole who refers to him as a 'duck fucker' in the beginning. Entertaining? Yes. Endearing? No. He does stay relatively loyal though to his credit. Just because this ballbag Kong endorses some politician it reverses Joe's whole justification process for taking people out? He kills his assistant in the beginning of this movie and he seemed like a nicer dude than this Kong fucker.
As for the deaf mute but cute girl he picks up in the pharmacy? Come on, man. You can do better than that Cagey boy. To this minute I can't rationalize the pairing of these two. Romance had no place in this story especially when it is this weak. It was as tedious and soft as watching paint dry on a baby's ass. Not that I would I would ever paint a baby's ass. What kind of freak do you people take me for?
To be honest there's not much of a story and I was extremely disappointed that the grittiness of Bangkok was not represented at all within the storyline. I haven't seen the original version but I can assume from watching this movie that it's just another example of a crappy hollywood (not going to capital the 'h' as they don't deserve it in this case) adaptaion. It could have been way edgier and wasn't. Cage just does not do a good anti-hero for me. Bad Pang brothers.. Go sit in the corner.
The Action
I haven't seen the 99 version the Pang Brothers made but I can only assume it was better than this pissy hollywood remake. There is nothing original here. A little slo-mo here a bit a double hand-gun action there.. It borrows slightly from John Woo but I imagine even the great man himself would chortle quite audibly if he were to read that.
The other thing is that no amount of slo-mo in this film can cover up for he fact that Cage is obviously out of shape in this movie. He's just not atheltic. We know that about him. He mopes around the whole time looking completely spent. They should have spent that money getting Tony Jaa - then they may have had a winner on their hands. Not much dialog they would have had to dub in and the action would have been 20 times better even if Tony was only half at his best.
Bangkok
I love it in Bangkok. I have to admit that the short bits of footage they filmed inside the Caribbean Club are accurate and represent a Bangkok bar fairly accurately. It's just a shame that the scumbags in Bangkok were not. They look gay at best. Especially the fool with blonde hair - I was pleasantly surprised to see him exploded in half with a grenade nearing the end of the film, even if I have no idea where our anti-hero Joe pulled it from. His bunghole maybe? It's dark in that scene so maybe he actually did that. Luckily the pin was not dislodged before he needed to use it..
The Ending
I'm not that hard to entertain when it comes to action. This movie - albeit shithouse - was a pass for me in regards to the action. It was no 'Die Hard' or 'Starship Troopers' but it wasn't as bad as 'The Marine' (John Cena) or anything Dolph Lundgren has been in either. Until the conclusion of the movie.
Let me set it up for you. The hero has rescued his errand boy Kong and his girlfriend. He then caps the driver of the enemy leader Surat's Mercedes Benz with what i assume is his second last round of ammunition. Surat cowers in the back seat and peaks outside the door of the car to see Joe in customary action-stance at the end of the alley. Before he can get his head back inside the door and grab the discarded pistol on the floor of the car Joe is at the door climbing into the back seat with Surat looking the same way he started the movie. Completely tired and physically spent. All the commotion in the back seat has enabled the dead guy in the front to depress the accelerator (while DEAD! The guy is dead but he is still acting as the driver) of the Benz enough so the car begins to move in a straight line forward to where everyone is waiting for our anti-hero to shed the anti and become just plain hero. Kong, the cops, everyone.
Then it dawns on Joe. The cops here probably aren't gonna be too happy with me here. What if I give Surat a big hug, press our heads together and use my last round of ammo to finish us both off. Yeah - that's it. Suicide plus job complete. Make sense so..
Did he feel so bad about killing people for money that the guilt finally got to him? Maybe they just had no more script. Or maybe, just maybe.. Cage saw a preview of the final edit of this film..
Seeing Nic Cage in a lead for any movie is a roll of the dice really. Do you know what I mean when I say a movie is bad in a good way? Right I can assume you're nodding at the screen so I can also assume that you know what I mean when I say this movie this movie was not like that. Remember Con Air? The Rock? Snake Eyes? Yeah well this isn't even on par with frikkin' Snake Eyes.
The Story
We're supposed to believe that going to Bangkok changed the whole course of Joe's (Cage) existence. Why? Kong, his sidekick/errand boy is a little smart-mouth dickhole who refers to him as a 'duck fucker' in the beginning. Entertaining? Yes. Endearing? No. He does stay relatively loyal though to his credit. Just because this ballbag Kong endorses some politician it reverses Joe's whole justification process for taking people out? He kills his assistant in the beginning of this movie and he seemed like a nicer dude than this Kong fucker.
As for the deaf mute but cute girl he picks up in the pharmacy? Come on, man. You can do better than that Cagey boy. To this minute I can't rationalize the pairing of these two. Romance had no place in this story especially when it is this weak. It was as tedious and soft as watching paint dry on a baby's ass. Not that I would I would ever paint a baby's ass. What kind of freak do you people take me for?
To be honest there's not much of a story and I was extremely disappointed that the grittiness of Bangkok was not represented at all within the storyline. I haven't seen the original version but I can assume from watching this movie that it's just another example of a crappy hollywood (not going to capital the 'h' as they don't deserve it in this case) adaptaion. It could have been way edgier and wasn't. Cage just does not do a good anti-hero for me. Bad Pang brothers.. Go sit in the corner.
The Action
I haven't seen the 99 version the Pang Brothers made but I can only assume it was better than this pissy hollywood remake. There is nothing original here. A little slo-mo here a bit a double hand-gun action there.. It borrows slightly from John Woo but I imagine even the great man himself would chortle quite audibly if he were to read that.
The other thing is that no amount of slo-mo in this film can cover up for he fact that Cage is obviously out of shape in this movie. He's just not atheltic. We know that about him. He mopes around the whole time looking completely spent. They should have spent that money getting Tony Jaa - then they may have had a winner on their hands. Not much dialog they would have had to dub in and the action would have been 20 times better even if Tony was only half at his best.
Bangkok
I love it in Bangkok. I have to admit that the short bits of footage they filmed inside the Caribbean Club are accurate and represent a Bangkok bar fairly accurately. It's just a shame that the scumbags in Bangkok were not. They look gay at best. Especially the fool with blonde hair - I was pleasantly surprised to see him exploded in half with a grenade nearing the end of the film, even if I have no idea where our anti-hero Joe pulled it from. His bunghole maybe? It's dark in that scene so maybe he actually did that. Luckily the pin was not dislodged before he needed to use it..
The Ending
I'm not that hard to entertain when it comes to action. This movie - albeit shithouse - was a pass for me in regards to the action. It was no 'Die Hard' or 'Starship Troopers' but it wasn't as bad as 'The Marine' (John Cena) or anything Dolph Lundgren has been in either. Until the conclusion of the movie.
Let me set it up for you. The hero has rescued his errand boy Kong and his girlfriend. He then caps the driver of the enemy leader Surat's Mercedes Benz with what i assume is his second last round of ammunition. Surat cowers in the back seat and peaks outside the door of the car to see Joe in customary action-stance at the end of the alley. Before he can get his head back inside the door and grab the discarded pistol on the floor of the car Joe is at the door climbing into the back seat with Surat looking the same way he started the movie. Completely tired and physically spent. All the commotion in the back seat has enabled the dead guy in the front to depress the accelerator (while DEAD! The guy is dead but he is still acting as the driver) of the Benz enough so the car begins to move in a straight line forward to where everyone is waiting for our anti-hero to shed the anti and become just plain hero. Kong, the cops, everyone.
Then it dawns on Joe. The cops here probably aren't gonna be too happy with me here. What if I give Surat a big hug, press our heads together and use my last round of ammo to finish us both off. Yeah - that's it. Suicide plus job complete. Make sense so..
Did he feel so bad about killing people for money that the guilt finally got to him? Maybe they just had no more script. Or maybe, just maybe.. Cage saw a preview of the final edit of this film..
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