Gentleman, thank you very much for allowing me to pitch my idea for a new computer-animated movie called "9".
My name is Shane Acker, and this is really an amazing opportunity for me... I mean, my first feature film! Wow! I'm actually pretty nervous, hehe, sweaty palms and all that, but bear with me, coz this movie's gonna be great!
OK, so what is 9 about? Umm, well it's an amazing story of death, resurrection and man vs. machine, but with a twist! Haha! Yes, this isn't your average man vs. machine movie because man has already LOST that war and the machines have already won! I knew I'd get you with that, it's surprising, isn't it!?
We open with a few shots of a little creature being made out of a hemp bag and a few spare parts. It looks like a doll, but in my movie "9" nothing is as it seems. Some mechanical eyes open, focus, look around. We pan out. The doll is ALIVE! Wow! And it's made with string that's made from marijuana, which is awesome... not marijuana, the fact they look cool, like a shopping bag or some shit... because I NEVER smoke that stuff, EVER, especially NOT while I was writing this screenplay... so, er, no need to worry about that! Ha-ha!
OK, so our hero, he has a big letter nine on his back, so we call him "9", and the movie is named after him... and he cannot speak or remember anything that happened before he awoke. He sees a giant man on the floor lifeless. He searches, searches. He's in a lab.
There's a weird object on the ground, a TALISMAN! So he picks it up and heads out into the world.
So he goes on this amazing journey. Everyone in the world is dead and the landscape is ravaged by war. There are big, like, animal-like machines everywhere, like, searching? For any sign of life to stamp out? Because the machines already won, you see?
So then he meets up with a group of other dolls and... what's that? Yes, yes, these ones are made of hemp too... but they all have quirky characteristics, like one has a zipper and another is missing an eye... shit like that. And they all have numbers, too, that's important. So their names are all numbers and no it never gets confusing, because each one has its own physical trait so you can keep track, ok? There's an old grumpy one and one with no eye and all that...
So our hero, this guy, "9", he joins this group and then they find this giant robot, right? OK, and so "9", our hero, notices that the TALISMAN he found fits perfectly into a hole in this giant robot... and so he puts it in, yeah? And... oh no! Can you guess what's going to happen, you guys in suits? You, you in the middle, what do you think? Wait, no, he's asleep, you, to his left? What's gonna -- yeah, ok I'll just tell you.
The robot WAKES UP! UH-OH! Our hero has woken up, like, the hive brain robot or some shit. It's huge, it tries to kill him, and the rest of the -- What's that? Er, yeah, that's right, the hero awakens the robot... I don't follow you. What do you mean, the main hero is stupid and it doesn't make sense for him to CAUSE the disaster that he has to fix? No, no, it's a mistake, you see, he didn't mean to. OK, well maybe we can work on that. But I'll probably leave it.
Did I mention that they look like hemp bags... and, er, we're going to use a lot of soft focus and cool lighting in the graphics?
Anyway, so a bunch of them get kinda, like, zapped? into the robot's stomach? And they're all dead. Yes, this is for children, but... right, yeah, well they aren't GRUESOME deaths or anything, it's just they have a look of utter sorrow and pain and then their very essence gets sucked into the thing as they sorta scream in horror, you know... ok, well, maybe we can work on that. But I probably won't.
Anyway, so here's the surprising part! You're going to love this! WOW!
It turns out that the dead guy from the start of the movie created all these little living hemp dolls and HE PUT BITS OF HIS SOUL INTO THEM. So they are actually, er, like, the last remnants of human souls, and our hero has gotten them all killed.
But then he realises, the souls are STILL INSIDE THE ROBOT!
So they kinda don't want to kill the robot now, see? Because they can maybe, sorta, get the souls back or whatever. So our hero, "9", who caused all of this, finds a way to get the souls out of the robot, using the TALISMAN and they all kinda stand around a fire or some shit, and it's really happy coz you can see all these dead dolls again for one final curtain call, and then they all fly off to heaven, happy.
The end.
Yeah, so... that's pretty much the story... huh? Well, yes, I suppose that IS one way to look at it... that our hero really just gets a bunch of cute dolls murdered and then sends the last remnants of human souls to heaven. But it's kinda, see, redemption? For the hero, "9". I mean, he causes this big kaffuffel and then...
Did I, er... did I mention you could have a sequel? Or it could be a trilogy. Maybe we could render it in black and whi --
OK, OK, well thanks for your time. And might I say it's your loss if you don't wanna do it, because this will be an AWESOME movie! And best of all it'll look really pretty! We're gonna have cool lighting and shit!
Has anyone got some chips, or maybe a few cashews? I've got the munchies real bad.
Next time I'll just draw you a picture, you'll see how awesome it looks!
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